For the past 5 or 6 years I had symptoms of what a lot of people would call ADHD.
Unless I was very enthusiastic and super interested in something,
Multitasking was always a problem for me, and I've seen many people throughout the course of my life struggle with it.
Its almost as if everyone around me is just as deathly afraid as I once was of catching the disease known as boredom. We would do anything and everything in our power to prevent even the slightest hint of it creeping up on us. With the Internet at my fingertips, a smartphone always within arms reach, an infinite amount of YouTube videos and video games to give me an instant hit of boredom-relief,
I suffered from what felt like my own version of ADHD. To this day, I can't say for sure whether this is a mental disorder caused by information overload or its something genetic, but I have the feeling that both environment and ones genetic predisposition play their own part in contributing to it.
I never went to a doctor to get prescribed any kind of drugs for ADHD, because I didn't want to go that route unless I felt like I had no other alternative. I was well aware that a lot of these drugs and medications have their own list of side effects that persist over long term use, and I didn't want to rely on them for the rest of my life if I had the ability to get by without them.
And that's exactly what I was doing.
I was getting by, coasting through life in a very comfortable state.
Between the video games, the Internet, YouTube, porn, and weed, it was pretty hard to feel uncomfortable in the slightest for any kind of extended period of time. The only times when the boredom had a chance to seep through was the lulls in between activities where I had to decide which time waster to move on to, or unwillingly do the basic work necessary for survival.
That's not to say I didn't have friends, women, or a social life. But there was definitely a very real feeling of just going through the motions and kind of just existing, rather than really feeling alive.
I made the decision that I wanted to seriously work towards my goals instead of killing time with time fillers and cut out Internet surfing and anything else that I felt I was just doing out of temporary boredom.
For the first few weeks, it hit me like I was going through the sort of withdrawal a drug user would be going through.
Having all this free time and nothing entertaining to fill it with felt like pure agony.
I would feel miserable and often lie around on my bed or just eat a meal or workout just to fill the time to give some myself some sense of progression. Deep down inside I knew I was wasting my days away but when I was working out and eating a lot of food, it gave myself the illusion that I wasn't just idling about doing nothing really productive.
I made the decision that I would cut out all the activities that I was using for temporary boredom relief in order to make more time to work on my long term goals. In my mind, I thought to myself
hey it might be a little unpleasant not having those fun distractions at first, but once you start working on your goals, you'll feel better about yourself and happier overall.
My prediction was accurate to an extent, but it was missing one crucial component. Between point A, where I started, and point B, where I wanted to end up, there was a void of a few weeks where I felt absolutely miserable.
At first I thought it was the basic comforts that I was missing that was causing these drug-like withdrawal symptoms, but that still shouldn't have been a valid cause for my misery. I didn't consider myself addicted to any of my time wasting distractions. If I went week without any of them, I couldn't care less, provided I was out and about hanging out with friends or meeting up with girls. But even afterwards, there would be an emptiness that followed whispering
"Ok that was fun. What next?"
There are many different types of people in the world with all sorts of personalities. I'm the type of person that has to feel like they're making real progress in life, else face the wrath of an unforgiving conscience for my wasted time and opportunity. I began to suspect that the root of my ADHD, or my inability to focus was not some disease inflicted disorder upon my brain which I had no control over, but rather the outcome of my way of living.
I had personal goals and felt like I was making real progress (I was), but there was always a lack of an underlying mission or purpose in my life. I could have an awesome workout, study for an exam and do great on it, hook up with a really hot girl, go on fun adventures with my friends, or plan out any number of fun activities, but never fully enjoy any of it because I knew there was no longevity in any of it.
Now that I've reached the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak, I can clearly see what was causing my ADHD and the process I took to bring it under my control. None of the activities that I was killing my time with was the actual root of my problem, and I still indulge in them from time to time.
What I discovered was that the excessive time that I was spending on time killers was just a form of procrastination, so I wouldn't have to face myself for my own lack of purpose in life.
ModafinilExpert has given me the purpose I needed and obsessing over it has cured most of my ADHD.
Now that I'm working on it full time, it makes me excited to build it everyday and watch it grow.
When I read the comments from everyone whose lives I've changed and see the increase in traffic on a week by week basis, I get a sense of satisfaction out of it unlike anything I've ever experienced. I'm excited to think about how big and awesome this site will be months or years down the road and how many people I can reach as a result of it.
Those 3 weeks of depression I endured before I chose ModafinilExpert as my mission and my obsession were painful, but absolutely necessary.
Choosing to forego all of my pleasures for a few weeks has not morphed me into some kind of monk that takes himself too seriously. I still check out YouTube feeds from time to time, I still smoke, and I still make plans for social activities.
The difference is that these activities are now like the icing on the cake that I can enjoy at my leisure. They are no longer the focal point of my attention or purpose for the majority of my waking hours.
I don't get restless anymore when I'm sitting down to write a new post. I don't feel the need to get up and "just do something" when I have a task at hand.
I'm not constantly in my head worrying or fretting over a million different things at once because I have a central purpose that I think about constantly and I've become a stronger man in the process.
If you think you have an attention disorder, I would suggest you dig deep and ask yourself the hard questions before you reach for the drugs or anything else that promises an instant fix. As "common sense" some of these questions may sound, I found it was helpful to write it down and meditate over it until I was able to come up with a concrete answer for every one of them.
What do I desire, more than anything else in the world right now, that I am willing to work for until I get it?
What exactly do I stand to gain from accomplishing the thing it is that I want to achieve?
What sacrifices will I have to make and what other areas of my life will suffer (temporarily and long term) if I dedicate everything I have into this?
I find that when I can clearly articulate my thoughts and beliefs to myself instead of just having vague ideas, I'm much more likely to stick to my principles.
If you can relate to me and feel like you have a serious attention problem, there may be some underlying reasons behind it. Perhaps its something you're afraid of facing, or maybe the fear of actually succeeding scares you into procrastinating and pretending life is going to work out for you.
You may benefit well from doing your own form of a retreat (can last anywhere from a few days to a few weeks) to re-assess how you are currently living and why you want to change. It's important that you isolate yourself from all technological distractions (the Internet, Twitter, video games, the news) while you're going through this process.
After going through this process, even though I haven't completely eliminated all of my ADHD-like behavioral traits, I have managed to drastically increase the amount of useful productive time in my day to day life. Every now and then, I still get restless and feel the need to get up and start pacing to get my thoughts flowing. If I've been sitting stationary all day, I can take a break to have an intense lifting session, and jump back on the wagon mentally alert once again.
Can Modafinil Treat ADHD symptoms?
Even after cutting out all of the external distractions (Internet, social media) when I'm actively working, I still notice a significant difference in my mental performance and stamina when I'm on Modafinil.
When I am on Modafinil, my perception of time is altered and my physiological responses to external stimuli are different. When I am writing up a post, or making a video, or anything else for that matter, I am better able to focus all of my mental energy on accomplishing the task at hand. No mental energy is wasted on thinking about the future or anything else other than what I am currently working on.
My remaining external symptons (being fidgety, having to take breaks every half an hour to walk around, feeling restless) completely vanish.
Instead of having to take a mental break every 30 minutes, I can take a break every 3 or 4 hours.
When I am off Modafinil, despite whatever mindset shifts I make and sitting in a comfortable controlled environment, I can't even come close to recreating the focus and endurance that comes from the drug. It makes up for the remainder where my human willpower fails me. The type of person who is drawn to a drug like Modafinil is usually a hard worker with serious ambitions in life to begin with.
So why do these people keep using the drug?
BECAUSE IT FUCKING WORKS.
If it were possible for me to stay 100% focused and hyper attentive for every damn second for 8 to 16 hours out of the day without using any drugs, I WOULD.
I've managed to eliminate most distractions out of my life through willpower and strategic planning, but there's only so much I can do through willpower alone. As much as I would love to say I'm so incredibly disciplined and nothing ever gets to me and I'm always attentive with everything I do, the fact is I'm still human.
While doing everything I possibly can to better myself, I have come to accept the fact that I do have human limitations just like everyone else. I'm not a fan of labeling myself with disorders I may or may not have, but I can proudly say that ADHD is something that I have personally beat, and Modafinil has helped tremendously.